10. Day 10: Preparing the return
Today I spent the morning organizing my return. Not because I feel unwell here, but because my sense of organization demands it. I don't like improvisation or unexpected events. I admit that traveling in these conditions makes me anxious. Someone like me, used to not depending on others, with my lamentable state of vision, finds myself forced to assume the risks of public transport, to spend more than anyone else would—it's paradoxical, but thinking about it doesn't make things any better. I imagine this is the consequence faced by any animal with some kind of congenital or acquired disability. Survival becomes, if possible, an act of heroism.
Yesterday I couldn't find anything interesting to talk about, just the ordinary life of an ordinary mortal. I spent almost all my time listening to podcasts from my Carnival channel, a waste of time in terms of audience, but it keeps me entertained.
I also read a bit of a biography that Estrella, Amalia Rodrigues's inseparable friend, published about the fado singer. Furthermore, I must admit it must be stimulating to have someone as enamored with your work as Estrella is with Amalia, although I prefer a less binding relationship.
Reading is both a chore and a punishment for my terrible eyesight, but it's a pleasure that has always been with me, though I do it sparingly and try not to overuse what little vision I have left. It's something I've accepted. When an ophthalmologist remains silent in response to your desperate question, there's no room for doubt.
It's been rainy these past few days in Portugal; it's an unusual May, with lower temperatures than normal. There's not much else to do in Iz3da, as the woman in charge of the house says—it's a poor village. Anyway, it's meeting my expectations. I came here fleeing and found comfort in its arms.
My immediate future involves buying a second home in Portugal, a purchase I've already committed to and which awaits my return for the necessary in-person paperwork. This isn't a last-minute whim; it's something I've been wanting to do for years.
The creativity course is also drawing to a close. I hope it helps me with the compositions and projects that are currently on hold, probably until I'm fully settled in my second home. It's a huge advantage not to depend on music for a living.
Everything flows at its pace, always with the guiding principle: it will be, or it won't.It's also likely I won't be in Spain for long, as I'll have to return for the signing of the house.
And there's little more to add; this being great news, why wish for anything else when peace, even if routine, has settled in for a few days?
